Even when we are in a life situation that's far from ideal, it can grow comfortable, and we become scared of change.
What did if for me was the death of my mother. When I was 23 she passed on, and it left me deeply questioning the purpose of my life. I imagined a list of all the things I wanted to do before I die. I used to imagine myself on my death bed reviewing my life. Up to that point, I felt I had done nothing I had wanted to do with my life.
And it scared me.
I was scared of change also. At that time I had a job that I didn't feel aligned with. But it was a monthly pay packet and I knew everyone. It was comfortable.
But the fear of that image, of having died before I had "lived" was what pushed me into my new life. Since that date in April 2004, here's what I have done with my life:
- Got out of a mortgage I had been in since 19
- Studied kinesiology, massage, myofascial release and craniosacral therapy
- Worked in a travel agency
- Spent a year traveling to North America, Europe and Asia
- Taught English
- Gained fluency in French
- Moved to Thailand and started a business degree
- Lost hair and gained wisdom
Although all the changes have made my life at times more difficult, I don't regret having done any of these things in the slightest. In fact my life is more rewarding than it has ever been. I can imagine that old man on his death bed, and already he can think back on this life with joy, satisfied and proud with what he has done.
But I might not have had this life if it wasn't for the push. Which started me thinking about what I call Greater Fear Theory.
Greater Fear Theory is the idea that to overcome great resistance to change, the fear of the status quo needs to be greater than the fear of change.
For me, the idea of living an unhappy life with a huge mass of unfulfilled dreams was much scarier to me than the fear of the uncertainty of that change in my life.
If you're unhappy with your life but are scared to change, perhaps this can be used for you. From my experience, greater fear theory needs three things:
- Something fearful about you current situation needs to be found
- This fear needs to be real and vivid
- This fear needs to be immediate, or happening now
In an ideal world, we may not need to be motivated by our fears. But often the hardest part about change is breaking the old habit, and starting the new. If you're having difficulty with that, perhaps this can help you as it helped me.
